Many people have stumbled upon this blog for reference articles, self help tips and quotes or lyrics. Some people have decided at one point or another that they had a say over what I wrote here, the subjects that I talked about and the fashion in which I talked about them. I've been threatened, my family has been threatened and I've been attacked for saying things that people didn't want to hear. Never lies mind you, just things that people didn't want everyone else to know about them or their behavior as it applies to me.
All the things I've talked about here were for my own benefit. For a cleansing, cathartic purpose. To speak my mind and to relay some of the pain and joy and confusion of life. It's unfortunate that some people feel that they have a right to censor that. It's unfortunate that some people feel that they own the rights to MY platform.
If you know me at all, you know that I don't respond well to threats. You know that I never make them but that I ALWAYS have plenty to use in recourse should they be directed at me.
Regardless of this and regardless of the fact that I am fuming with anger at the audacity that some people have to threaten my life and home, I am moving this blog to another location. Those of you (you know who you are) who have been friends of this blog will be getting the new address via e-mail. Those of you who lurk here, obsessing about me, my life, and how you can make it what you want it to be, can go fuck yourselves. I haven't the time for petty, childish games or for people who believe they have the authority to make demands of me and my time.
I'm not above notifying authorities of threats. I take them seriously. My family and my home are the most precious things to me and I refuse to let anyone create drama or pain or fear because their toddler-like needs are not being met.
Monday, March 17, 2008
This blog is hereby closed
Friday, March 14, 2008
The beast of recourse
Cheating.
It's all over the news right now. Affairs. Why men cheat. Why women cheat. Why we stick by the ones who cheated. What signs to look for. How to prevent it. How to heal from it. Etc, etc, etc.
I cheated. It was ugly and painful and humiliating to the people involved. I regret it more than I could ever explain.
I'd like to think that I have integrity. That I am a decent, kind, genuine person. It's terribly hard to believe that about yourself when you're tangled up in the biggest lie you've ever been a part of. Lying about your whereabouts, your time and your heart.
Your whole world becomes cloudy and your lungs weigh heavy with the smoke of the flames you continue to fan. Before you know it, you can't get out. You're trapped by the affair as much as you're trapped by the marriage.
I can't turn on the television without seeing a representation of the pain that is caused by the selfishness of an affair. I've said I was sorry a thousand times but somehow it will never, ever be enough.
The man I had the affair with was married too. Baby on the way. Ugly, awful, terrible disruption of a relationship I was a part of. And while I never placed a spell on him, never conived to be with him, never even had his phone number for the good majority of the relationship and relied soley on his contacting me, I certainly didn't discourage it. I never said, "Go home to your wife and rub her feet and thank her for carrying your fucking child". I never did that. I should have but I did not.
Nevermind that he was the one who found me, that he was the one who pursued me and in fact lied to be about being single and childless until I was already in love and unable to turn him away. Nevermind that. It's still just as much my responsibility as it was his.
If it hadn't been me, would it have been another woman? If it hadn't been him, would it have been another man? Impossible to tell. Perhaps. I was unhappy in my marriage that was no secret. Is it probable that I would have found another man to help lead me out of it? Maybe. He was unhappy in his and scared to death of the new responsibility of fatherhood, is it probable that he would have done the same? Maybe.
None of that matters now. The ifs or maybes. It's all just pain under the bridge now. All just karma that we'll have to ride out at some point.
I'm re-married now. In love. Happy. The idea that something like this could happen to us (particularly while I carry his child) is so absolutely terrifying that I don't know where to begin to fear it. I can only hope that my remorse is enough to satisfy the lesson. That my humiliation at being part of something so painful to others is enough to feed the beast of recourse.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
I haven't had a lot of news to share lately...
Or rather I HAVE had news but REALLY don't want to jinx stuff so will remain tight-lipped until said superstition has passed... or at least manifested into another less fear-provoking one.
Mostly things are great minus having to stick a needle in my ass twice a day.
I'm looking for a job. Something I can do from home (legitimately that is) and that does not require utilizing my skills as a kick-ass massage therapist (those days are quicly approaching an end). I've been trying to write for pay (this would be the ideal gig) but as I'm sure you're aware, this type of work is not easy to come by. So if any of you know of anything good, please send it my way.
Spring is tip-toeing around the corner and we've just gone shopping for Ostara so carmel eggs and dye pellets are seeping out of every imaginable hiding spot.
Camping plans have been put on an indefinate hold due to my condition but there will be a trip to Kansas City in June that I'll be sure to relay details of.
Hoping all is well.
Lots of love!
Misty
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
I especially love the tie dye
Check out the groovy retro photos of my hubby. He's so fuckin' cute.
http://seattlephog.livejournal.com/
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Tips on how to manage your Heparin injections
Yeah... they suck. And you may find yourself crying each time you poke yourself for a while, but there are some things you can do to make it a little more tolerable.
1) Ice it first. Not just for a few seconds but give yourself a good five minutes or so. Get it good and numb so that at the very least, you aren't distracted by the sting of the needle.
2) They'll probably give you 25 gauge needles but ask for 27. The 30 gauge are a little too thin and harder to get the thick Heparin through but there's a REALLY big difference just between the 25 and the 27. Your bruises will be much better.
3) You will probably bruise at least a little. If you're the fairest in the land (like myself) then you'll probably bruise a lot... especially the first handful of times while you're getting the hang of it. To minimize those big, nasty black and blue marks that will make the ER social worker hand you a pamphlet, push the medicine in SLOWLY. I know that you want to get in and out of there as quickly as possible but the faster you plunge in the goo, the more you're gonna bruise. So take a few deep breaths and just take it slow.
4) Insert the needle at a 90 degree (this means straight in... not at some quirky angle). If you're a nurse and have a certain punch and twist technique then go for it, but for all the rest of us, keep it simple.
5) When you "pinch and inch" don't PINCH. Just gently pull up the fat/skin. Don't squeeze hard. And once you push the needle in, release the skin. DO NOT continue to hold it throughout the injection.
6) When all the medicine in in, wait just ONE more second before you pull out. This will minimize bleeding and the seeping out of the medicine.
7) You can apply steady pressure afterward with a cotton ball, but do NOT rub or massage in the site. This will really intensify bruising and leave nasty knots under the skin.
8) Ice it afterward too. Putting the ice back on afterward for five minutes will ease the injection site and help with less pain and again less bruising.
9) Know that you really will get the hang of it and it really will become easier over time. Usually a few days or so. Sometimes it helps to listen to good music while you're doing your injections.
This happens to be my favorite song right now (since WAY before the Oscars mind you) but you choose your own. :)
Good luck to you all and hang in there!!
